Despite having stronger feelings about the 20th than the 26th, I had many phone calls, emails, and texts of support from great friends today. I didn’t plan on being sad, having emptied my sorrow reserves over the previous week. But well intentioned words of condolence from friends have a way of finding new reserves of tears.

As I stood in the shower, crying, I decided that I would turn the day around and celebrate the memories and not wallow in the loss. It’s an easy thing to say but a hard one to accomplish. I’ve been avoiding the koi pond at Fashion Island in Newport Beach very overtly due to the dozens of hours spent there with Mom. But like pulling off a band-aid quickly, I decided that today of all days I wanted to be there.

I called up my sister and invited her to lunch (she works practically across the street) and surprised her a bit saying that I wanted to specifically eat at the koi pond. I was very happy that she accepted and we grabbed some healthy and not-so-healthy things from Whole Foods and sat right next to the koi pond’s edge, at Mom’s favorite table on the East side, where the most sun would hit her.

We ate and discussed current events, not lingering on the darkness of two years prior. We anxiously looked with mom’s mischievous eyes as every child would approach the edge of the pond. Inside, we would chant for one to fall in — just like mom would! Alas, the kids were spared this time but we had fun just the two of us. Or so we thought. To let us know that she was with us, on an otherwise dry day, a light drizzle began to suddenly and sharply fall upon Newport Beach. She did, however, wait until we finished lunch before raining on our parade.